Sally was struggling to answer that question.  I think I avoid a relationship with God.  I feel that I’ve disappointed God in so many ways.  I believe that God helped guide me to my ideal job, but I kept messing up and got fired.  God brought beautiful children into my life, but I haven’t been a very good mother to them.  I just keep letting God down, and don’t really want to face all my failures by letting God into my life.

Do you sometimes feel that God is keeping a list of all of your failings, and just reads you that list when you try to get close?

In our Swedenborgian tradition, we do not see God as judgmental and punishing, yet many of us cling to this concept of the Divine.

It is important that we fully open our hearts to what we read in Swedenborg – and in the Bible – about God’s mercy.

What is mercy?

Mercy (Middle English, from Anglo-French merci, from Medieval Latin merced-, merces, from Latin, "price paid, wages", from merc-, merxi "merchandise") is broad term that refers to benevolence, forgiveness and kindness in a variety of ethical, religious, social and legal contexts.[1][2][3][4]

We often think of mercy as a quality of the Lord, and as a guideline for how we treat others.  We don’t often see it as a way to treat ourselves.

And show, I beg you, mercy to me' means the reception of charity. This is clear from the meaning of 'mercy' as love, dealt with in 3063, 3073, 3120, 5042, in this case love towards the neighbour, which is charity, since the reception of faith is spoken of above in 5130; for on the level of the senses, when these are born again, faith and charity must make one. The reason 'mercy' means charity is that all who have charity have mercy, that is, all who love their neighbour are merciful towards him.

Sometimes we put so much focus on this part of Swedenborg’s concept of mercy that we forget other parts.

Divine mercy is a pure mercy toward the whole human race with the intent of saving it, and it is constant toward every individual, never withdrawing from anyone.

A friend said to Sally:  I think God is very merciful to you.  However, you are ‘merciless’ to yourself.

That was a revelation to Sally.  I think I am merciless towards myself.  I keep putting that on God – thinking that God is always judging and condemning me.  But, actually, I am doing that towards myself.

This is from Heavenly Secrets:

3063. 'And deal mercifully' means an influx of love. This is clear from the consideration that the essence of mercy is love. Love itself is converted into mercy and becomes mercy when anyone in need of help is regarded with love or charity

Mercy is also the means by which God guides our regeneration:

The Lord regenerates a man from Divine Mercy. This is done from his infancy down to the last of his life in the world, and afterward to eternity. Thus it is from Divine Mercy that the Lord withdraws a man from evils and falsities, and leads him to the truths of faith and goods of love, and afterward keeps him in these. And after this, in Divine Mercy He raises him to Himself in heaven, and makes him happy. All this is what is meant by the Forgiveness of Sins from Mercy. They, who believe that sins are forgiven in any other way, are quite mistaken; for it would be the absence of mercy to see a multitude of men in the hells, and not save them, if it could be done in any other way.

Sally realized that God’s mercy was part of her regeneration.  She had felt that God guided her to an ideal job, but she “blew” it.  She realized now that God saw it as a learning experience.  She gained many new skills on that job that led her to good jobs later.

Sally saw many ways that she hadn’t been understanding and supportive of her children.  But God’s regeneration was helping her to see that she had done the best she could at that point in time, and learned from her mistakes.  While she tended to sit in despair about her past, the Lord was guiding her into ways of improving her relationships with her children in the present to create a better future.

Today’s Psalm can help with that.

We started with the New International version.  Sometimes, the Good News Bible gives us another flavor.  In this version, “fear” of the Lord is changed to “honor” of the Lord.

Psalm 103 (Good News Translation)

Are you sometimes merciless to yourself?

If so, try to focus on the mercy of the Lord that is always flowing into you and shaping your regeneration.  This could allow you to improve your relationship with God every day.